[jacquie]

Hi Jodie. I just read your request for advice and am sorry to hear that your friend is having to deal with so much. I also want to recognise the distress that you may be experiencing as a result of having to support your friend through such a difficult time.

Marriage and other relationship breakups are often painful and difficult to deal with but also often a necessity as personal growth takes each individual down a different path. Accepting the end of a relationship is the first challenge. We have a tendency to hold onto things because they are familiar to us even though the situation may not be to our highest benefit.

It is often easier to work through the process of letting go of someone when there is a clear break in the relationship as this allows us to focus on “me” and not “them”. When there is a third party In the equation, the focus shifts from a healthy “what i need and want moving forward” to a focus on others as appears to be the case with your friend.

What i picked up on from the content of your request for advice was a very strong focus on the need for some form of retaliation stemming from the pain from the loss of a relationship.

I don’t want to dive into the ethical and professional issues that you raised other than to say that at the end of the day, we are talking about two individuals and human nature running its course whether right or wrong. My concern for your friend is that she is focusing all her energy into vengeance which is a very unhelpful and sometimes dangerous emotional driver.

Whilst your friend may be looking towards you for support in relation to some form of retribution towards the counsellor, my advice to you would be to redirect her and support her to deal with acceptance. Sometimes one door has to close before another door can open.

It is well known that rebound relationships have the least success generally because they are a stepping stone during a period of adjustment and if your friend intends on salvaging any form of friendship with her ex-partner, taking steps to damage the new relationship is not going to support this happen.

I appreciate that my advice may not be the advice that you were looking for but i do feel that if understood, may prove to be helpful moving forward.

sent with sincerity

Jacquie